If we don't love people past their anger and judgment, if we internalize their criticism, if we never understand that broken people break other people, then we fail them. Last night I had an interesting conversation with a person I used to know. It is sad to me now; his responses to questions about love made me realize, he hadn't the capacity to ever love. I expected more out of this person than he could give. It is hard for me to grasp that there are people in the world that have no concept of love. They mimic others, they make all the facial expressions and wrap all the gifts, they learn how to maneuver and kiss passionately on a still night, they learn how to lay out romantic dinners, but due to their own hardness of heart--they do not know love. I have come to the conclusion that I must stop expecting others to love as I love. I couldn't stop if I tried. I am loyal to a fault; I will stay until there is nothing left but a hollow void, and when the void comes I will mourn and weep for what is not there. I have a tendency to throw my pearls before swine. That is, above all things, my greatest downfall. I never want to fail anyone. I never want to abandon them. I never want to give up hope. But sometimes, hope hurts people. Sometimes people are so lost in darkness to hope for them, is like dangling something over their head they can never obtain. If they had any concept of Christ they could be hoisted out, but in their refusal for him...they wade in their own melancholy brokenness and wait for an answer that will never come. The cycle begins; they play the victim...they never get out. I listed all my sins to him, and he could not forgive me. He chose anger instead. I am guilty of the same thing; it is my thorn in the flesh as well. But I realized last night, there is nothing you can do for people like that. It isn't me he hates, it's himself. It isn't me he's angry at...it's himself. So I took my cute shoes, and in my gorgeous dress I bound away from the darkness of his eyes. I fled into the light of those who've waited patiently for me. The chains unlocked, and I was free. I wept when morning came for one last reason, and it's something I'm going to continue to pray about. There are people out in the world who are drowning in their own darkness. They feel entitled to everything...they feel entitled to God. I weep for the broken that need a healer. I weep for those whose friends are glamorous facades, I weep for people who pour themselves into empty jars as I once did.

I weep for him.
But I am not his savior.
I foolishly tried.
I left a light,
A flame-
In the darkness.

He chose not to see.

I am not his savior,
And he is not mine.