While editing the anthology thomas made me, morgan and i came across these old poems in "the breath you left" and i swear, if it's possible to warn yourself ahead of time, i tried to. these were about you, before i ever knew you. in "one flight down" there are pieces that correspond perfectly with my new work. this is the eeriest exploration ever. these next few pieces down to "i stand corrected" are old ones. this is so strange. readers, revel in this with me please!
THURSDAY, APRIL 22, 2010
Not Interested.
In response
To your letter-
I am not interested.
See
It's this thing,
Called self respect-
And unlike most of the girls
You're interested in-
I have some.
Self
Centered
Selfish
Lying
Ego
Maniac.
AND
If you really believe
Being condescending
Is ever
Or can EVER be constructive-
Well then,
Sweet,
Beautiful,
Wonderful,
Precious,
Boy...
I can do that too.
And yes,
You have a few years on me in age-
But in intellect?
You have nothing.
And I laugh
That you would have the audacity
To propose such a thing!
And wait
Until you can "pencil me in"?
SO TEMPTING!
WHAT A DEAL!
WHO COULD REFUSE THAT OFFER?!
Who wouldn't wait for such a prize?
Riding backseat
To you,
And your shotgun stealing ego?
Where can I sign up?
Hot Shot.
You'd be LUCKY to have someone
Like me on your arm.
I'm sorry-
I'm not interested,
Come summer?
This girl's going to be
Long.
Gone.
To your letter-
I am not interested.
See
It's this thing,
Called self respect-
And unlike most of the girls
You're interested in-
I have some.
Self
Centered
Selfish
Lying
Ego
Maniac.
AND
If you really believe
Being condescending
Is ever
Or can EVER be constructive-
Well then,
Sweet,
Beautiful,
Wonderful,
Precious,
Boy...
I can do that too.
And yes,
You have a few years on me in age-
But in intellect?
You have nothing.
And I laugh
That you would have the audacity
To propose such a thing!
And wait
Until you can "pencil me in"?
SO TEMPTING!
WHAT A DEAL!
WHO COULD REFUSE THAT OFFER?!
Who wouldn't wait for such a prize?
Riding backseat
To you,
And your shotgun stealing ego?
Where can I sign up?
Hot Shot.
You'd be LUCKY to have someone
Like me on your arm.
I'm sorry-
I'm not interested,
Come summer?
This girl's going to be
Long.
Gone.
SATURDAY, APRIL 17, 2010
I Can't Fight the Blues Today
I prayed for rain
But couldn't take it when I got
It-
I guess I'm never satisfied.
I've always got one foot in the past-
On things that never seem to last
And I wish I could change my mind-
But today,
I feel helpless
To these blues-
They pool in my pockets
Weighing me
Down
Giving my fingers
Something
To wade
In-
To prune in,
Giving my
Hopes some
Place to drown.
I can't fight the
Blues today.
They're too real for me,
Like
The weight
Of every tragedy
Tied around my feet.
I can't fight the blues today.
And the wars
With them I wage
Are bloody.
So I might just surrender to them.
I can't fight the blues today.
And I'd like to think
It would fix it all
If you'd come back around-
But I know you won't
And if you do,
It's not to fix anything.
Because you're not the fixing kind.
Because once something is broken
It stays broken to you.
And I hate that.
Because I can't fight the blues today;
And I hang on the words
You refuse to say;
And every moment of silence we make
In between-
I can't fight the blues today-
So maybe I'll just soak in them;
In their song
That saunters this way...
And let them take
All of me.
But couldn't take it when I got
It-
I guess I'm never satisfied.
I've always got one foot in the past-
On things that never seem to last
And I wish I could change my mind-
But today,
I feel helpless
To these blues-
They pool in my pockets
Weighing me
Down
Giving my fingers
Something
To wade
In-
To prune in,
Giving my
Hopes some
Place to drown.
I can't fight the
Blues today.
They're too real for me,
Like
The weight
Of every tragedy
Tied around my feet.
I can't fight the blues today.
And the wars
With them I wage
Are bloody.
So I might just surrender to them.
I can't fight the blues today.
And I'd like to think
It would fix it all
If you'd come back around-
But I know you won't
And if you do,
It's not to fix anything.
Because you're not the fixing kind.
Because once something is broken
It stays broken to you.
And I hate that.
Because I can't fight the blues today;
And I hang on the words
You refuse to say;
And every moment of silence we make
In between-
I can't fight the blues today-
So maybe I'll just soak in them;
In their song
That saunters this way...
And let them take
All of me.
Quite Honestly-
I do not know what you were expecting.
Something that you didn't have to work at?
That everything would cohesively fit
And be perfect?
Nothing works that way.
To fit-
You have to know each other
And people don't get to know each other
With no misunderstandings.
People can fit,
Without it being perfect
Every day
All the time.
It is not the absence of
Conflict,
But finding someone
That is worth overcoming it with.
And the reason we don't fit,
Is so clear.
I am not that person for you.
Something that you didn't have to work at?
That everything would cohesively fit
And be perfect?
Nothing works that way.
To fit-
You have to know each other
And people don't get to know each other
With no misunderstandings.
People can fit,
Without it being perfect
Every day
All the time.
It is not the absence of
Conflict,
But finding someone
That is worth overcoming it with.
And the reason we don't fit,
Is so clear.
I am not that person for you.
And what I learned at the end of the journey-
Was that it's okay
To build a million beliefs
Up-
To write a book on them;
And then abandon them-
All of it,
Really...
Because when I wrote that book;
That story that I would have staked my life on...
I was a different person
Than I am now,
Constantly changing
And seeing the world,
The things that I don't know...
And growing every step of the way.
It's okay
To be a walking contradiction.
I guess I'm more human that way.
To build a million beliefs
Up-
To write a book on them;
And then abandon them-
All of it,
Really...
Because when I wrote that book;
That story that I would have staked my life on...
I was a different person
Than I am now,
Constantly changing
And seeing the world,
The things that I don't know...
And growing every step of the way.
It's okay
To be a walking contradiction.
I guess I'm more human that way.
I stand corrected...
I stand corrected.
A week ago I posed a question and got a response to which I didn't agree.
I asked if we really had any control over falling in love, because I didn't believe we did.
But today-I stand corrected.
We have more control than we know over falling in love.
By walls we build
And fears we inflict on a situation
A "one-shot" only attitude
And leaving no room for error;
We control falling in love
Just fine.
I guess it's just about finding someone you want to fall in love with.
So the real question I should have asked is...
Am I worth falling in love with to you?
Because it would have been faster
And
Easier
To just then,
Digest
The resounding
Sound
From your lips
Of the horrifying
Word...
"No."
A week ago I posed a question and got a response to which I didn't agree.
I asked if we really had any control over falling in love, because I didn't believe we did.
But today-I stand corrected.
We have more control than we know over falling in love.
By walls we build
And fears we inflict on a situation
A "one-shot" only attitude
And leaving no room for error;
We control falling in love
Just fine.
I guess it's just about finding someone you want to fall in love with.
So the real question I should have asked is...
Am I worth falling in love with to you?
Because it would have been faster
And
Easier
To just then,
Digest
The resounding
Sound
From your lips
Of the horrifying
Word...
"No."
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