The other night, I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who is a male (whom I whole-heartedly respect), and I was thoroughly disappointed. He made a suggestive comment about a female friend of mine. At first I was disgusted, then I attempted to speak up with a "Behave yourself...you don't really think that way do you?" And he proceeded to follow up his first comment with yet another distasteful note about her body.


I got heated and took a drive.


I have a real issue with things like this; perhaps my expectations are too high (as I've been told many times). It's not like I want someone perfect; I'm not holding it against boys because they're not Jesus Christ, but I do have a problem with the fact that they struggle with controlling themselves.
Recently, we addressed modesty in chapel; we have also addressed biblical man-hood. I definitely agree with the fact that they go hand in hand. But I agree with Greg's thought on this: if our boys would step up and be men we wouldn't dress like trash because we wouldn't feel like trash.
When I'm striving for biblical woman-hood, and my boyfriend can't keep his mind and his heart off of images that he doesn't strive to keep out of his life--it creates a tension and a competition. A new type of sin is birthed in the relationship. There is not only the struggle between my boyfriend and his lust, there is the struggle between me, my boyfriend and his lust. Then...there is the struggle between me and my body because of my relationship with my boyfriend and his lust. Then there is the struggle with me wanting to show more skin, cross more sexual boundaries, and be more "open-minded", because of my boyfriend's lack of an attempt to place a lasso around his mind. At the end, there is me...me...

used up, washed out, broken down, split open me.

I have no mystery about me because it has been stripped; I gave it away...and he didn't stop me, because he wasn't man enough to. He wasn't man enough to say "you're worth more than this". I gave him my body--my temple--my vessel for Christ-- because I gave it all in an attempt to gain his approval--the type of approval that is not of god or godly love. Shame on me for not striving for my identity in Christ? Absolutely. But shame on him for not protecting me and fleeing from sexual sin.
If men valued women the way they should, and put them on a pedestal--even and especially when they are single--they'd be less likely to stumble when they enter into a relationship. I know men are visual and not perfect, but the reality of it is...women are jewels; they are princesses. And the sickest part? Most of these "worldly women" that lure eyes away from godly women are the PRODUCT of the type of men Christian men are settling to be when they stumble into sexual sin. These girls have been torn by their fathers who never instilled in them the proper amount of self worth because THEY never-in their own minds and hearts-chose to understand and respect the value of a godly woman.
So, in essence, I told my friend "Look buddy, you have a choice. You can either be a BOY and THINK about women that way...then end up married to one who you don't REALLY respect, (because let's face it...IT IS A CONTRADICTION TO MENTALLY OBJECTIFY WOMEN AND THEN SAY THAT YOU COMPREHEND THEIR WORTH AND RESPECT THEM) or you can be a man...a man that will treat his wife like she is a queen; who will flee from lust and sexual sin; who will look only to her for company and adoration; who will one day be a father that will instill in his daughters that they are queens. He will believe women are people, not objects; he will strive with everything he is to validate his daughters. And when he tells them these things, they will KNOW they have validity because of his faithfulness to their mother and the TESTIMONY of his LIFE."

It's not one or the other. You can't "be in a good place" with lust. Sexual sin is a whole different kind of sin. It's the kind of sin that burns down houses.


Men, love your wives...



As Christ loved the church.