I hugged Meg and Shannon today

And I missed Autumn.

I don't know what the two of you are.

It's all very obscure.

But I do know

You became friends

Because I was trying to protect her.

I got angry with her;

I used daggers instead of words.

But it's only because

I love her;

I got TIRED of watching her drown

And I wanted to rescue her.

I couldn't.

I stopped sitting by

Her in chapel this semester when

I looked down to adjust my watch

And saw

Texts

From you

On her phone.

I never said anything,

Because it wasn't worth it;

None of it is worth discussing

It isn't now because it never was.

I wasn't mad.

I'm not mad.

More than anything,

I've been burning up my brain

TRYING to

Find SOME WAY

We could keep this covered.

I wanted her to keep it a secret

And I wanted her to never know that I knew.

If I could have played pretend

I would have stayed right by her side

Because I love her THAT MUCH

I loved YOU that much. Don't you remember?

I crucified MYSELF trying to cover up what was true.

Do YOU love her like that?

DO YOU?

Do YOU love ANYONE like that?

She was...she is my best friend. She's the best friend I've ever had.

Yeah.

My best friend, Thomas.

I bet that's pretty vindicating for you isn't it?

And

No,

I wasn't oblivious to Georgia getting into your car.

But it didn't hurt my feelings

Because I figured...

You'd do that.

You've always done things like that

And

You've always justified yourself

By hurting others.

That's why none of these rumors

About your new "object of affection" surprises me;

Someone's always being used...

Except for me.

Did you think you'd take me by surprise?

I knew this would happen-

I dreamed about it.

I've been prepared.

I'm not afraid

Of

You.

You're the most lost person I've ever known.

You DO things like this.

I would expect NOTHING MORE from you.

All I know is-

I miss Autumn.

Autumn

Was the only person

That ever

Really loved me.